There was a mystic moment between us the moment that you were born that redefined the purpose of my life on this planet. We gazed into one another’s eyes with a glance that is forever engrained in my mind. I knew that my primary mission in this life is to protect and nourish your little soul. You felt so frail and innocent in my arms. I knew that I was holding a piece of heaven and it is true that you are God’s great gift.
The heavens opened up with rolling thunder during the moments that you were born and I am reminded of that day every time that we have a thunderstorm; that moment that redefined me; the moment that I became a father.
Your mother and I were a bit nervous as first-time parents. I could hardly keep my eyes off you as I drove you home, all while keeping hyper-vigilant on the road. I read baby books in preparation for your arrival and devised an intricate plan on how I intended to raise you. All of my energy went into you. I immediately began your training, which was focused on building your core body strength, stimulating your mind by constantly talking to you about your world, and harmonizing your sleep and eating schedule so that your needs were never wanting. You were such a happy little baby and these were some of the greatest memories of my life.
Your development rapidly took off and yet my developing role as your primary caregiver was on a collision course with your grandparents, who had a clear interest in taking the role that I was in. The battle over you began almost the day you were born and yet I was completely naive to how serious of a battle this would become.
Your grandparents had a clear interest in shaping how you would be raised and our first adult conflicts began in the days after you were born. Your grandmother had many ideas about what was good for you, many of which I did not want to implement and this created some challenges for your mother during your early infancy, namely, the challenge to balance two very different ideas about how you should be raised. I will always remember how badly your grandmother wept the first time that we sent them back to their hometown. It was clear that she had visions of living with us and that us sending her back was a major challenge for her to accept. It was almost as if she felt personal defeat whenever we did not listen to her and us sending them back was a major blow for them.
Of course, I assured them that this was only a temporary situation and that we would love to have them return soon. The strangest part of everything is that I never imagined that you would ever lose any family member. It was inconceivable to me that you would ever be “banned” from them or me. Your current status, as a missing child, was completely unimaginable to me at that time.
I know that we will be reunited someday. I know that you feel me calling you. We are destined to be reunited in this life. I don’t know when it will happen as I cannot reach you and have not known where you live for years now. This page is intended to give you a beacon to follow home. I have a home for you, right here in my arms, your father’s arms.
Protect yourself and your well-being as a first priority. Realize that you are half way to being an adult and will soon be able to guide your own life and make your own choices. I will illuminate paths for you in future posts.
I love you always and forever